


A Little Less Conversation...

by Dancains



Category: The Fast Show
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Rating May Change, set after the original run of the tv show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 00:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10425564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancains/pseuds/Dancains
Summary: Ted keeps finding himself making excuses to spend time up at the manor house. It’s been about a year since his wife’s death, and he’s been starting to dread coming home to his cold, lonely cottage. Ralph certainly doesn’t mind more company.





	

It all started with the pipes—which certainly weren’t Ted’s doing. 

Ralph had mentioned them in what he probably thought was a very subtle manner, early one morning while he was taking his stroll about the grounds and had simply “bumped into” Ted, as per usual. This time he was rambling about the poor condition of the pipework up at the house (this was, of course, only after explaining the plot of a foreign film he had seen at the cinema the other day, in a way that was so confusing—albeit endearing—that Ted wondered if he had seen it without subtitles).

“As you can imagine, Ted, it’s, uh, quite a nuisance in the morning when one would like to take a bath and the faucet has decided to gift you with some sort of…brown sludge instead of clean, hot bath water as one expects...”

Ralph had been almost to the point of tuning out when the mental image of Ralph taking a relaxing, steamy bath came to the forefront of his mind. He dispelled the thought almost instantly, thankful that Ralph certainly wasn’t looking at his face. He took a breath to steady himself.

“I could take a look at ‘em sometime, sir.”

“Pardon, Ted?”

“The pipes,” Ted mumbled, almost more to the grass below them than to his employer. _Why is this always so difficult?_

“T-that’s very generous of you, Ted,” Ralph stuttered, “but I really…shouldn’t trouble you with it. I know you’re a very busy man. It’s not your job to tend to the inside of the house as well the grounds that surround it. I’ll call a specialist, a plumber, first thing tomorrow morning, Ted.” 

“Please sir, don’t waste the money. I’m sure I could sort ‘em out for ya.”

Ralph hesitated, smoothing down the non-existent wrinkles in his tweed coat.

“Well, uh, thank you, Ted. I suppose I’ll take you up on your offer. I do insist on paying you for over-time though, it’s only fair.”

Ralph already pays him too much for the little odds and ends he takes care of around the estate, but he knows better than to try and argue with him. He’s glad to save him the price of a plumber, at least. 

They make plans for Ted to come over to the house the next afternoon, before Ralph made his usual excuse to leave and retreated in the direction he had come from. Ted shoved his hands in his pockets and raised his eyes tentatively from the ground to watch him go. He could have sworn that his step looked a bit more giddy than usual.

 

His workday came to a close around the same time the sun began to set. After he had put his shovel and other equipment away in the tool shed, he dusted off his hands on his trousers and leaned against the wall of the shed. He rarely paid much mind to the setting sun but this particular evening he watched the dimly lit sky as it faded from orange to pink to violet, and finally to a star-studded blackness. _Certainly can’t see the constellations like this in the big city_ , he thought to himself. So many people didn’t know what they were missing. 

He made his usual walk home in the darkness, his familiarity with the grounds and the light of the waxing moon enough to guide him safely there.

It had been over a year now, but he still felt as if Esther was going to open the door for him when he got home, or that lights would be on in the kitchen and the sitting room instead of the empty darkness he was met with when he unlocked the door. 

He considered checking if his mates were down at the Pub, but after second thoughts, didn’t feel up for it.

He clicked the kitchen light on and dug through the freezer until he found himself something he could microwave. He opened a lukewarm bottle of beer while he heated up his meal.

While he would probably never admit it, his plans to see Ralph the next day gave him something to look forward too, and he always did get a genuine pleasure from helping others.

That night he accidentally falls asleep in his well-worn reclining chair in the sitting room, with the static-filled television on mute and two more beers than planned sitting empty on the table beside him. As he drifts hazily into sleep, he pointedly tries not to wonder what Ralph was doing at that exact moment.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my hard drive for quite a while, so I thought I'd give it anther look over and post it. I've wanted to write some Ralph/Ted since I first came across the skits, but I wasn't sure if I could capture their distinct character voices. Title obviously comes from the Elvis Presley song, because we know Ralph likes a bit of Elvis.


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